Embiggening our cromulent selves

It's been a long while between posts! We had this here baby Talia on Feb 1, 2008. She is a wonder, we love her all the way.

She is the friscalating dusklight that embiggens our cromulent selves.

Clean Window

I love to wash windows, ideally I wash a window each day. Something that stays in my mental commentary is "I don't do windows". This along with other 70's based tv sitcom and commercial bits stay in my head, repeat on a loop, but in this case doesn't affect my actions. I laugh at myself hearing that thought as I wash windows. Sometimes I challenge the loop: "Why not?" or "Well, I do!" I'll say out loud to no one.

I set up to clean the old fashioned way with a bucket of warm soapy water and some rags, then do the deed. At last, the light entering is brighter, the view beyond is clearer, the window itself seems non-existent. This job well done seems ironically invisible, ephemeral, subtle. I like rewards and appreciation, it feeds my large ego, this result leaves me feeling conflicted.

As I sit at the computer, the window lies just behind the monitor. Peripherally, I contemplate the dying lime tree in the yard. I notice butterflies and overcast sky and wonder about this window and what it allows. A dirty window is noticeable, the view is myopic, my attention is drawn to the window and stops there, showing it's accumulations, it calls out for help. Why do I wash the window? Do I wash the window because it needs help? Because no one else will do it? I suppose I wash the window to make it disappear, to discover beyond it, to solve the immediate issue.

Today the window is clean, it is nearly invisible to me, all that I see is what lies beyond it.

MIA: Riley's Front Teeth

ATM Get Cash Now

During 2006 when Riley was 4-5 yrs old, he became focused on words and spelling. At Disneyland, Riley loved the Tower of Terror ride which exits into a photo viewing area of riders in mid-plummet. Beneath the viewing screens, there is a window display full of old typewriters. Riley liked to hustle his way to the typewriters and check them to see if they were organized as other typing keyboards. His method was to find the letters in his name, and if these were in the same place, then it passed his inspection. The discovery: all the keyboards are arranged identically.

Coincidentally [and in retrospect, obviously], this was a year Riley struggled with frustration and learning to calm himself when life felt too fast. He screamed and cried a lot even with understanding support, it was so hard for him to keep up with his older brothers, he could see a big difference in reading abilities [and everywhere in life] where he hadn't noticed before. The entire family was frustrated too because as he went slower so did we all. We each were consciously patient and needed to re-examine our own expectations, this was difficult at the time, but now I can see it hugely impacted us as we are collectively calmer.

On Shea's birthday, November 28, 2006, we went to a video arcade after lunch. I was listening to a lot of chatter and noise coming from everywhere, when Riley's voice cut through with "ATM, Get Cash Now!". It was surprising, so I asked how did he read that? Riley explained that these words are like C-A-T or N-E-W which he knows already, and some of the letters he knew from names like Shea [sh sound]. He says the words he knew just popped into his head, and from knowing these he could form a new word.

Since then Riley has become an avid reader, he understands most of what he reads and guesses the rest. He reads menus, billboards, store fronts, he just beams and radiates happiness because the world is making sense. Reading has in turn created more questions, being gregarious and a talker Riley just says what's on his mind, so now we are managing frequent interruptions. At the moment, several people try to talk at once, and with multiple conversations the total volume increases rapidly. This doesn't seem to bother Riley, but it bothers everyone else, especially Kaden and Eric. These guys are bugged the most though it's notable that they are famous interrupters. Touche!

Happy Birthday Riley!!!

Today Riley turned 6, Happy Birthday Riley!

He was so excited all month long, he told each person he met that March 30th is his birthday, he'll be six years old, and it's on a Friday. Riley learned the days of the week to figure it out which day is Friday. Then he counted down the days, and every night we all went to bed knowing tomorrow is one day closer to Riley's birthday.

After careful planning and re-planning, Riley finally decided how his day would go:

• Bake chocolate cupcakes with vanilla icing and rainbow sprinkles. Originally Riley wanted vanilla cupcakes with vanilla icing and chocolate sprinkles, but the vanilla cake mix had dairy in it to which he is allergic, so he switched to Devil's Food cake which has no dairy.
• Open presents in the morning like Xmas.
• Eat lunch at Zono Sushi Restaurant. Yakitori Chicken with Shrimp and Vegetable Tempura Kids Combo! We brought some cupcakes and candles and sang Happy Birthday, it was fun, he smiled a lot.
• Play games at Chuck E. Cheese, get a Birthday balloon for helium inhaling.

Here's six fingers, Riley holds up his hands so he is clear about his age, can you see the sixth finger? Well, Riley had everything he wanted. It was a really good birthday for a really good guy.

Now I get what Schuyler said, it wasn't about me at all...

After reading the post Schuyler wrote many times and fearing the worst about myself being the most negative person I know, there is a relief in knowing I am NOT who she was writing about. I am a pretty positive person though I know the last 10 years have been very up and very down, especially the last 3 years. My original family, the one I was born into, has been a painful group to live with, there was/ is much fighting and struggle, like any dysfunctional 1st generation Korean family. My understanding is that Asian families allow for domestic abuse in its aggressive male dominant structure. This may or not be a conscious decision, but it is the default in so many Korean homes.

That funky yuck I've been describing for months, the strange sadness, is no longer predominant, there is less and less bottom dwelling. I am so appreciative to feel better, happier, not so gloomy. My father whom I was estranged from my entire life, died 2-3 yrs ago, actually I cannot remember when, at a time when my life felt so desolate. It took me years to want to recognize, acknowledge, move through and accept our relationship and his life/ death. Now I finally feel my age, no longer like a 2yr old, not like an 11yr old, not like a teen, not like 21, just 35 years no less.

As You Wish

WHICH Princess Bride character are you? Not What.